By Korea.net Honorary Reporter Vincent L. Apa III from the U.S.

My first article for Korea.net will touch on three traits I've seen in Koreans both in Korea and New York over almost 20 years: respect, filial piety and empathy. I was born in Catskill, New York, spent most of my childhood in a town just north of Albany and lived for a significant amount of time in New York City while working, visiting family and friends, or simply exploring.

Most people fail to realize that Korea is extremely densely populated, with Seoul having double the population density of the Big Apple. Seoul is frenetic and dynamic yet highly efficient and orderly, something I've experienced while visiting my in-laws every year for three to four weeks since 2001.

To me, Seoul is the city that never sleeps, but what struck me on my first visit was the strong sense of respect for not just one’s parents and elders but also for the common person. I remember the first time I rode a city bus and watched as everyone bowed to the bus driver as they got on. A typical practice is also to give up your seat on the bus or subway to a pregnant woman, senior citizen or someone in need. This unspoken custom is one example of what makes the character of these people so touching and humbling.

Years ago, my wife and I were riding the subway home from Seoul and I made a pert comment about knowing my way around. A few moments later, I looked up and she was gone. I'd missed my stop and she sneaked out like a ninja without me. It was late on a cloudy night as I exited the subway station and tried to get a bearing on where I was. I tried my best to ask someone at a few corner stores on how to get home. This was back when cell phones and GPS were not nearly as prevalent as they are today.

Being a fairly experienced hiker, I set off in the direction I thought was correct, then a man stopped me. We communicated with my limited Korean and his broken English, and he claimed to know where my in-laws lived and would take me home. Not only did he use 20 minutes of his life for me, he took me through green spaces or shortcuts that divide high-rise apartments with no traffic lights. I wouldn't have felt safe in many other places but had no hesitation going with him. As we neared my in-laws' apartment, I thanked him and off he went.

My in-laws both fled Pyeongyang, now the North Korean capital, in 1950, met years later in Seoul, got married and raised a family. Fast forward to 2001, and from the moment I met my wife's parents, I was treated with the utmost respect and welcomed to her family without hesitation. Though we still cannot fully communicate with one another, the love is mutual.

For example, my mother-in-law would make her infamous North Korean, real deal-style mung bean pancakes and freeze a month's worth before our visit each year. Her deteriorating eyesight, however, has made it difficult for her to do this nowadays, so this year, we got up at 5:30 a.m. to make the pancakes together after the initial prep work had been done a couple of days before. It took me almost six hours to make 20 pancakes, but I enjoyed every minute of it. Each batch of three pancakes takes 30 minutes as they are pan-fried in oil on low heat to prevent burning and the batter must be continually moved to keep the round shape. My mother-in-law's recipe includes soaking the mung beans a day or two beforehand, soaking dried shiitake mushrooms, keeping the mushroom broth, chopping kimchi, onions and green onions, mincing garlic, pureeing the mung beans and mushroom broth, and adding canned tuna (she typically uses cooked ground pork), a little sesame oil and sesame seed.

This priceless experience allowed me to fine-tune the skills she showed me years ago. We gave our pancakes to family and friends, who also enjoyed them. As my in-laws get older (my father-in-law is 90 and his wife 83), my wife and I try to spend more time with them when we visit and help out with simple things; we also just like spending time together. Simple pleasures are what strengthens familial bonds and bring joy, and can also constitute a form of filial piety.

Lastly, I believe empathy is deeply sewn in the fabric of Koreans. Perhaps this quality stems from being from a small country enduring centuries of hardship with a positive outlook and hope. I was feeling nostalgic this year and tried to find a post office to buy a postcard to send to my grandmother. Instead of using my phone to find the nearest location, I just started walking on a spring morning and asking random people if they knew where a post office was. Fifteen minutes and three people later, I was within striking distance and a woman watched me until I got within the last two blocks almost out of site and yelled to me which way to go. I can only surmise why she chose to help me and wait to make sure I got to my destination, but she did. Perhaps a sense of empathy and care for someone from their past drives these actions. Time and time again, I've seen these acts contradict what many might expect to see in this ultra-competitive society.

wisdom117@korea.kr

*This article is written by a Korea.net Honorary Reporter. Our group of Honorary Reporters are from all around the world, and they share with Korea.net their love and passion for all things Korean.