My girlfriend mopped up the remainder of the dal makhani from the bowl with the last of her nan as my two older Korean friends seated across from us had settled into the depths of a comfortable Indian food coma. I stood and excused myself for a restroom break, walked a few steps and snuck a glance back. No one was looking my way but my girlfriend and she knew the stunt I was pulling: the Sneak Pay. I asked for the check at the front desk, paid and returned to my table. Eventually, after agreeing that the restaurant was indeed the best Indian restaurant in Seoul, we put on our coats and my two older friends approached the front desk while having a good-natured spat over who was to pay the bill. They turned to me with a look of reproach when the manager told them I had already taken care of it.

“I said I would pay this time!”

“I know,” I said, and politely added, “I don’t care.”

One friend huffed as the other sighed and both thanked me as we said our goodbyes at the subway station.

“Next time it’s on me.”

“Next time,” I said with sincerity, “be faster.”

Polite Cunning

Is this brand of subterfuge really necessary? Of course not, but in Korea the process of determining who picks up the check is a game at which some people are experts, whereas I am but a bumbling simpleton. I would rather circumvent the whole deal with a style some would term cute and others declare to be premeditated trickery.

Before judging me, please understand that it’s not uncommon to see amateur wrestling matches at the front desk as people fall over themselves and others in a panicked desperation to pay. People typically do not “Dutch pay” when eating in groups, instead entrusting one person with the obligation of covering the entirety of the expense. This is a task to be desired rather than dreaded, for what better honor can be had than to provide for one’s friends? Normally, payment of the first meal together is delegated to the oldest person in the group, for the respect given to elders is joined with the burden of responsibility. The second time, however, is a free-for-all.


Learning the Game

This method of payment can be aggravating for a non-Korean who wants to contribute to the bill, but it has its advantages. First and foremost, it’s just plain easier. Many groups, especially after drinking, can take fifteen minutes to divide up a check and then obsess over determining exactly how much they owe. Putting one person in charge expedites the process and medicates the headache before it occurs. Second, if the same group of people goes out on a regular basis then everyone will eventually get an opportunity to pay, equalizing the duty and relieving consciences.

This brings me back to my two older Korean friends. Especially since they are my elders, shouldn’t I respect their request and allow them the pleasure of paying for my meal? The decision, etiquette-wise, can go either way. Executing a Sneak Pay is like putting money in the bank at interest: I know that my friends will fight to pay no matter what, so why should I not conveniently provide them with an incentive?

The culture of giving is very strong and is representative of the compassion endemic to many people. When friends are dismayed that I’ve stolen their opportunity to pay, I remind them of who I learned the Sneak Pay technique from in the first place. They usually smirk at that. And I smirk with them.

Written by Jason Lane Cutler
Illustrated by Kim Yoon-myong

*The series of columns written by expats is about their experiences in Korea and has been made possible with the cooperation with Korea Magazine.