Proper etiquette at special events in Korea

Jessie is excited over being invited to her first wedding in Korea. She asks Su-hyeon and Pedro what she should wear or do at a wedding or another special event in the country.

Jessie: I’m so nervous about going to my Korean teacher’s wedding this weekend. I’ve never been to a wedding in Korea before.

Su-hyeon: I remember being nervous when I first attended a wedding.

Jessie: What is the proper etiquette for a wedding in Korea? I don’t want to commit a faux pas on someone’s special day.

Su-hyeon: Well, for starters, don’t wear a white dress because you want the bride to be the one to stand out on her day.

Pedro: Giving money as a gift at a special event in Korea felt funny to me at first. When going to a wedding, you’ll see a reception desk with one side for the groom and the other for the bride. Which side you give your gift money to depends on who you know – the groom or bride. Then write your name on the guest list and get a ticket to eat at the wedding hall’s cafeteria.

Su-hyeon: You don’t necessarily have to give money to the bride or groom. People sometimes just give gifts if they’re good friends with either.

Pedro: I wasn’t that nervous about committing a faux pas at a wedding but I was when attending a funeral.





Su-hyeon: Yes, committing a faux pas at a funeral is considered far worse than at a celebratory event. It wouldn't hurt for Koreans to review proper manners for a funeral before attending one.

Jessie: So how should I act at a funeral?

Su-hyeon: A funeral in Korea usually lasts for three days, and it’s better to attend on the first or second day. The coffin is carried to the cemetery on the early morning of the third day for the funeral. This day is the most hectic and busy of the three days, and the funeral is usually attended only by family and close friends of the deceased.

Pedro: Wear formal black clothing that day. If you don’t have it, try dark smart casual but refrain from putting on anything fancy. And always have socks on since you have to take your shoes off before entering the funeral hall.

Su-hyeon: When you enter the funeral hall, you’ll see a table with the guestbook. Sign your name in it.

Pedro: In front of the deceased’s photo are chrysanthemums and incense sticks. First, burn a stick of incense or place a chrysanthemum. When you put out the incense stick, don’t blow it, just wave it. And the flower bud should face the photo.

Su-hyeon: Then perform two prostrations in front of the photo. Depending on your religion, you can lower your head while standing instead of prostrating. And then do the same thing again – either prostrating or bowing -- to the deceased’s family.

Pedro: In Korea, the custom is to give condolatory money when going to a funeral, similar to giving congratulatory money at a wedding. When giving condolatory money, put the cash in an envelope, write your name on the back of the envelope and write in Chinese characters “근조” (謹弔) or “부의” (賻儀) on the front. (근조 is an expression of condolences for a death and 부의 means money or items given to the deceased’s family). But you usually don’t have to write these words yourself. The envelopes are often provided at the funeral halls pre-inscribed with these words.





Pedro: After the funeral, guests usually stay and eat at the funeral hall, which is usually within the hospital. When you do and if you drink alcohol, you must never toast.

Su-hyeon: That’s right, toasting is only for a congratulatory event.

Pedro: And when you give money as a gift at special events, it’s common to give an amount that begins with an odd number or ends in zero such as 30,000, 50,000 or 100,000 KRW.

Su-hyeon: Our family recently held our grandmother’s funeral. I saw many people who came to pay their condolences and noticed that everyone did so differently.

Jessie: Oh, really?

Su-hyeon: Yes, I’ve seen people who either burn an incense stick or place a flower or do both. Some did neither and simply bowed to my grandmother’s photo. Others who heard about the funeral late had to come without wearing dark-colored clothes. Though I think that what matters more than the formality or apparel color is sincere wishes, knowing and following the proper customs are best.

Jessie: Thank you so much. I’ll make sure to use what I’ve learned from you about proper manners for special events.

Su-hyeon: OK, have fun at the wedding. Oh, and one more thing. At a wedding, friends of the bride usually come early to take photos with her in the waiting room. So go to the wedding hall about 30 minutes before it starts if you want to take an individual photo with the bride.

Jessie: Can we take selfies with her?

Pedro: Of course. I’m sure the bride and groom will be happy if you send them the selfies. And they’ll love it if you film them during their wedding march.

Jessie: Wow, I’m so excited. I can’t wait to show you guys the photos after the wedding.

Written by Min Yea-Ji
Translated by Lee Jihae
Illustrated by Yuhaill
jesimin@korea.kr